Don’t let this happen to you.

Friends don’t let girlfriends post pictures of themselves with a mustache in their profile.

If you see something, say something.

What to call "IT" or the naming of the genitals.

So, every time the news is on around here (a fairly regular occurrence), there is a constant spiel about the current state of the economy...

As a result, I keep hearing this one phrase over and over and over again.

It got me to thinking about something...

People will sometimes name parts of their bodies. I’m not passing judgment on it, it’s just one of those things that happens. Men may have names for their penis; women may have names for their breasts or vagina.

So, keeping this phrase in mind and the current economic climate, I think I’ve hit upon what should soon be the most popular phrase when referring to one’s genitals:

Stimulus Package.

What do you think? :) (677 Views pre transfer)


Miss me?

Well, where does the time go? Do you ever ask yourself that?

Here it is a few weeks roll by and there you go it’s a New Year and the holidays are over!

I’m a bit glad the holidays have run their course. I’m not a big one for the holidays unless I’m someplace warm with a nice adult beverage in my hand. Then it’s a good holiday indeed.

In the meantime, my membership reverted to standard as the first of the year. If you’re a guy, it’s something of a death knell. You can’t email people easily and the whole insane winking thing comes with restrictions.

It’s okay though.

See, I’ve managed to date someone regularly lately and while I wouldn’t consider myself ‘off the market,’ I don’t find myself acting with any kind of urgency either.

I guess if I were looking for the perfect person I’d keep really pushing it.

Thing is, I’m not perfect, far from it and I don’t have the expectation the person I meet should achieve some ideal I’ll never come close to. So, the current situation suits me fine, unless of course I should somehow be bowled over which I highly doubt.

I can’t complain either because as long as a person is nice to me... well, that works just fine.

This year, Christmas and the holidays in general was a low-key event. It came and it went and truthfully I was more distracted by other things leading up to and coming out of the holiday anyway. I had a project I wanted to finish and then there was whatever shopping I decided to do too.

I have a cousin who is a widow.

Over the last few years whenever we get together she would quiz me on what online dating was like: How did I like it? Was I meeting anyone nice? That kind of thing.

She was asking for a reason of course. The reason being she was getting tired of being alone at night.

This is a woman who is approaching 60 and she doesn’t look it. As a matter of fact, even she forgets the whole age aspect of life sometimes herself (as she was describing a conversation that took place with her accountant and write-offs via IRA donations where the penalty is incurred prior to the age of 59 and a half).

She has grown kids, I think her youngest is around 26 now but that doesn’t mean she wants to stop living although I believe some of her kids want her up on a shelf like a porcelain doll.

So, her Christmas present this year was membership to a dating site (not this one). I am of course hoping dearly that she will meet someone to spend time with.

We were talking about it shortly after the holidays when I saw her and asked if she had initiated her account.

As she said, she wasn’t looking to complicate life and it was a statement I thoroughly understood because I am at that point where complications are the last thing I would want.

Companionship - yes.

Complications - no.

In any event, at the moment things seem to be going well in my corner of the world and I though I should at the very least update those who so wonderfully showed interest in my words.

Also, I wanted to extend a New Year’s wish to you all... may you find companionship in 2009! :) (1040 Views pre transfer)


My Bah Humbug moment!

Christmastime is here...

Well, at least that’s how the song goes.

A few days back I was flipping channels and landed on A Charlie Brown Christmas.

I hadn’t watched it in a long time. It’s so familiar, it’s one of those touchstones of youth. However, as clearly as I remembered it, the actual broadcast of it didn’t match up to what I remembered.

Maybe, I should clarify that.

The story is actually very good in a lot of ways. Simplistic, but the core message of it is wonderful and more than likely is a big reason it’s still in holiday rotation 40 plus years after its first broadcast.

The animation though, wonderful to me as a child, pales in comparison to animation of today.

The prism of memory though made the show golden and it was a reminder yet again of how memory can play tricks on one.

Right now, where I live it’s snowing. Well, I know it will bring a smile to many the prospect of a White Christmas but I hate the snow. I’m not fond of cold weather but snow is even higher on my dislike list because it comes with the promise of some backbreaking labor shoveling out after the storm departs.

So, I shake my fist at the sky and curse the flecks of white as they fall. Truly it is my bah humbug moment and all the while I am thinking about wonderful New Years past spent in the calmer climes of Florida. Memory’s rosy glow is unnecessary to make that look golden to me.

Nonetheless in the waning days of the year (and I believe my time on the site) I wish all a Happy Holiday. (1493 Views pre transfer)


Married, Crazy or Gay.

I got to talking with a friend of mine the other day...

This is a woman I’ve known for almost 20 years now; we met and became friends while working at an ad agency. At the time, I was in my early thirties and she was in her late thirties. I was single and she had come out of a failed marriage. There wasn’t and never has been any kind of romantic entanglement between us, we’re just friends. It’s an odd pairing but, I’ve always enjoyed her slightly sarcastic sense of humor and have truly marveled at her creative ability.

Advertising or any branches of the creative fields have changed just as the world around us has changed. What I mean by that is the focus of our society seems to have progressed where we place more and more emphasis on youth.

I’m not bitter or anything either about that... I’m kind of in a happy place and wouldn’t want to revisit the emotional state of my 20s. Certainly having the physique of my 20s wouldn’t be anything to complain about but, if it came at the expense of the emotional makeup I have today it wouldn’t be worth the trade off.

My friend, she was a real powerhouse. She did TV campaigns, print campaigns... hell; she could even turn out some good lines of copy when called upon. She got to certain level in the field and she lived a comfortable life for a while.

Then something happened...

The world, the industry she was in changed around her. Jobs changed, responsibilities changed, the whole dynamic of the creative field metamorphosed around her.

I’ve seen it happen a few times now.

Just how business gets done has changed so radically from the way it was conducted in the early 90s it’s amazing and what is more amazing still is how little people are willing to acknowledge how much things have changed in such a short span of time.

So, what happened was my friend began to find it harder and harder to get work.

She was getting older and since this is a ‘young’ business, getting older only diminished her appeal somehow. I’m making an observation here, not a determination about the justness of the situation.

What came next was a series of moves...

Over the course of five or so years, she moved to smaller and smaller apartments. She started out in the West Village and the moved to Williamsburg. The next move was into a smaller place in Williamsburg and from there she moved further out into Park Slope. Her funds dwindled; she was out of work for a long time and had trouble getting hired for even the most mundane of jobs. Family helped out but eventually that had to stop too. She moved down to North Carolina finally getting her own place with some help and then she got a job in a Wal-Mart.

She got fired from Wal-Mart a few days ago, she doesn’t know what’s next but there is a certain relief along with the dread of not having a job.

The relief for her comes from not being subject to the insane whims of Wally-World anymore. The stories she regaled me with over the two plus years she spent there were amazing, it sounded like the Wally-World employee manual must have been written by Kafka - everyone on their backs with their legs twitching in the air like bugs. The nightmare you find yourself in not knowing how you arrived there.

She had met someone recently and when we talked previously was anticipating her first date. It didn’t come off; he wound up being missing in action. She didn’t know what happened but it was one more slight in a series of frustrating slights that have weighed down on her these past years.

And while she was lamenting, she relayed to me what a friend said to her about people who make it to this point in life. Her friend said, ‘Anyone out there now (being at or around this age) is either married, crazy or gay.’

I thought about that for a second and realized she may well be right.

Call me crazy. (2335 Views pre transfer)


So, I like comments. I’m as much of an egotist as anyone else.

Still, there is an option where you can approve comments or not on every blog if you so choose. I turned it off (meaning comments go through unmoderated). However, I still reserve the right to delete something I don’t like or feel is inappropriate.

Some people might get all up in arms about that but, the thing is, it’s my playground. What it means is I get to choose the course of discussion here.

It may not seem like the fairest thing but you know what? LIFE’S NOT FAIR!

Further, if you want to get your views out in the world, you have the option of starting up your own blog. It’s a simple as that. This isn’t anyone else’s forum, it’s my forum and in this forum I make the rules.

Someone recently wrote a comment and I deleted it. I won’t go into detail of the whys and wherefores but, I did send off a short note to the person if only to explain my action. I’m not saying I was right in doing what I did. Again, I’m making the rules and if you want to play in this sandbox, those are the breaks.

The Internet is a strange place in that great disputes can be built up between total strangers. People who have never met, who remotely won’t ever possibly meet in real life, can build up a lot of strum and drang in a war of words taking place in the ethereal corridors of the Web.

I don’t have time for it.

I have precious little time as it is and even a scarcer amount of motivation at times to make sure I get what needs to get done, done. Spending it on an Internet fight is just an absolute waste.

The phrase for this is ‘flame war.’ I won’t indulge it and I won’t tolerate it either.

As it is, I am here for a single purpose; to meet someone nice, to meet a person I can spend time with, someone I can have a positive effect on, someone who adds to my life.

I do not want to spend one more second than I have to here and really neither should you. It’s not about building a community, if I meet people who I become friends with – that’s great but, it’s not what I’m here for.

The less time I spend on the computer, on a dating site, means I am spending more time doing other things and truthfully on the list of what I enjoy, spending time on an Internet dating site trying to line up dates is down at the bottom. It’s a necessary evil and while I try to have fun doing it, I don’t think I want to spend a second more doing it than is absolutely necessary.

Think of it this way, when you find something, it’s always in the last place you look and why wouldn’t it be? Once you’ve found it why on earth would you keep looking?

Isn’t everyone here looking to meet a special person?

Anyway, in the course of the email exchange with the angry commenter, the point was bought up, ‘why have a blog if you don’t want to hear the opinions of others?’ Blogs have always struck me as solitary in nature, you can leave comments but blogs exist without them. Also, blogs are not newspapers – they’re op-ed pages on the internet. It has less to do with being factual and more to do with perceptions of a singular viewpoint. Someone can agree or disagree but, it’s not their job to ‘put me in my place.’

After a couple of emails (I think there were three back and forth), we finally got to the point where the ‘f’ word was used and it wasn’t me that used it. Consequently, it verified to me I made the right decision in deleting the comment.

Got an ax to grind? Got unresolved issues towards men or women? Fine. It won’t fly here though. Oh and if you’re a really serious person and really angry by all means please… stay away! Call it what you will, just like on the radio or the television you have the option of changing the channel or not joining the discussion it’s as simple as that. I’ve long gotten past the point where I find it necessary to apologize for having an opinion. Even further past where I find it necessary to justify everything I say or to have a contest about who is right.

As it was put to me: “Oh for f*** sake, let it go.”

PS – And I swear to God I hope I to never rack up thousands of posts or thousands of comments on this site (apparently people have been here for years). Nothing would be sadder. (2482 Views pre transfer)


How to win every argument with a man.

If you’re easily offended I’ll save you the trouble and tell you not to bother reading any further. This also is the case if you are uncomfortable with sexual topics or if you believe frank discussion of sexual acts somehow is demeaning towards one gender or another.


I’m giving you your chance...

Just go to another page.

Really, just close the window...

...or click on some other link.

I’m waiting.

Alright, if you’re still around, don’t say you weren’t forewarned and certainly don’t get all indignant on me.


So, in the past I’ve spoken about how hard it is for people to remain together. Particularly in our society today. Somehow, there is this image that marriage or long-term relationships are nothing but flowers when the truth is they’re anything but.

I know people who have been married for over twenty, even thirty years and then I have people I know who have called it quits even after they’ve been together for a decade.

One day not too long ago, I was talking to a friend of mine. She’s been married a long time now. I first met her when she was still a newlywed, I think she had only been married for a few months, and today she is passing the twenty-year mark!

Her husband is a good guy too. He used to get on my nerves but through the years I’ve grown to appreciate the kind of person he is. He can be difficult at times but then again all of us have our moments.

My friend and her husband took the plunge and they had kids. As with a lot of couples today, they waited a long time before they actually set about starting a family and when the time felt right they had a bit of trouble getting pregnant.

So, my friend had her first child at 40 and then lo and behold she had twins at 42! The kids are her life. She loves them to death and she‘s a good mom.

The husband? Well, he probably would’ve been okay stopping at the one.

Like a lot of couples who are together a long time, especially those with kids and jobs (since they both work), there are big demands on their time. It’s just part and parcel of living in a society where both parents work and parents as a rule are much, much more involved in their children’s’ lives than they were decades in the past.

A lot of couples face this but the side effect of this is that the couple rarely has quality time for one and other. It just becomes hard to catch those moments of romance or intimacy.

During one period there was a rise in fighting. I don’t mean slap down, drag out brawling or anything of the sort. Just the kind of incendiary words flying back and forth between people over the course of the day. In and of itself it shouldn’t be a big thing but when it becomes the bulk of interaction between two people long-term problems begin to take root.

Of course, a lot of what is at issue is trivial in nature but underlying all of this is a long-simmering animosity that can grow into something more.

So, we got to talking about this my friend and I and knowing her as well as I do (and her husband too) I gave her the secret to win every argument.

It’s as simple as a blowjob.

Women will no doubt groan but most men you ask, if pressed and absolutely honest about it, will tell you it’s a simple truth.

Am I saying that men are smart? No.

We are simple creatures driven by the basest of urges and quite frankly even if we are all caught up in the anger and emotion of the moment we are hard pressed to ever refuse sex when it is offered up to us.

As I told my friend, you want to win an argument?

Go over to him, unbutton his pants, unzip him, take his dick out and give him a blowjob.

I defy any guy to stay angry at that moment.

Now, my friend of course, doesn’t want to win a fight that way. Thing is though, if you’re with someone, I mean if you love them and everything else and you want them to stay interested in the relationship, what is the problem with a little gratuitous sex every now and again?

Besides, she married the guy!

Anyway, the husband? He was all for it. See, it‘s true as reprehensible as that may sound to a lot of women. Yes, men think about sex that much. You can win every argument with your man if you can just swallow... well, not just your pride.

Anyway, now that I’ve positioned myself as the penultimate sexist pig and pariah let the flame wars begin!

* on an interesting note: I run this through the spell checker in Word if only to avoid looking any less intelligent and was surprised to find blow job actually got caught by the spell checker as corrected to the one word blowjob. Who knew!
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