So, I like comments. I’m as much of an egotist as anyone else.
Still, there is an option where you can approve comments or not on every blog if you so choose. I turned it off (meaning comments go through unmoderated). However, I still reserve the right to delete something I don’t like or feel is inappropriate.
Some people might get all up in arms about that but, the thing is, it’s my playground. What it means is I get to choose the course of discussion here.
It may not seem like the fairest thing but you know what? LIFE’S NOT FAIR!
Further, if you want to get your views out in the world, you have the option of starting up your own blog. It’s a simple as that. This isn’t anyone else’s forum, it’s my forum and in this forum I make the rules.
Someone recently wrote a comment and I deleted it. I won’t go into detail of the whys and wherefores but, I did send off a short note to the person if only to explain my action. I’m not saying I was right in doing what I did. Again, I’m making the rules and if you want to play in this sandbox, those are the breaks.
The Internet is a strange place in that great disputes can be built up between total strangers. People who have never met, who remotely won’t ever possibly meet in real life, can build up a lot of strum and drang in a war of words taking place in the ethereal corridors of the Web.
I don’t have time for it.
I have precious little time as it is and even a scarcer amount of motivation at times to make sure I get what needs to get done, done. Spending it on an Internet fight is just an absolute waste.
The phrase for this is ‘flame war.’ I won’t indulge it and I won’t tolerate it either.
As it is, I am here for a single purpose; to meet someone nice, to meet a person I can spend time with, someone I can have a positive effect on, someone who adds to my life.
I do not want to spend one more second than I have to here and really neither should you. It’s not about building a community, if I meet people who I become friends with – that’s great but, it’s not what I’m here for.
The less time I spend on the computer, on a dating site, means I am spending more time doing other things and truthfully on the list of what I enjoy, spending time on an Internet dating site trying to line up dates is down at the bottom. It’s a necessary evil and while I try to have fun doing it, I don’t think I want to spend a second more doing it than is absolutely necessary.
Think of it this way, when you find something, it’s always in the last place you look and why wouldn’t it be? Once you’ve found it why on earth would you keep looking?
Isn’t everyone here looking to meet a special person?
Anyway, in the course of the email exchange with the angry commenter, the point was bought up, ‘why have a blog if you don’t want to hear the opinions of others?’ Blogs have always struck me as solitary in nature, you can leave comments but blogs exist without them. Also, blogs are not newspapers – they’re op-ed pages on the internet. It has less to do with being factual and more to do with perceptions of a singular viewpoint. Someone can agree or disagree but, it’s not their job to ‘put me in my place.’
After a couple of emails (I think there were three back and forth), we finally got to the point where the ‘f’ word was used and it wasn’t me that used it. Consequently, it verified to me I made the right decision in deleting the comment.
Got an ax to grind? Got unresolved issues towards men or women? Fine. It won’t fly here though. Oh and if you’re a really serious person and really angry by all means please… stay away! Call it what you will, just like on the radio or the television you have the option of changing the channel or not joining the discussion it’s as simple as that. I’ve long gotten past the point where I find it necessary to apologize for having an opinion. Even further past where I find it necessary to justify everything I say or to have a contest about who is right.
As it was put to me: “Oh for f*** sake, let it go.”
PS – And I swear to God I hope I to never rack up thousands of posts or thousands of comments on this site (apparently people have been here for years). Nothing would be sadder. (2482 Views pre transfer)
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End of a cycle, thoughts and all that jazz...
13 years ago
6 comments:
I agree with you that comments can be deleted. These are more op-ed style pages, true enough.
And I hear ya PJ. There is life waiting outside these electric halls. But it is fun to share with different people, see and hear different perspectives on things on the fly so to speak, and some folks on here are soopah funny and great writers (*I quickly think of Noisy and Kleo and Stratos), and maybe sharing is what it is all about.
I guess for me it comes down to sharing. It can be easier on here as you get time, you get a pause to think and collect thoughts. In the real world sometimes there is less time before you are expected to react. Faster.
I like what you say you are looking for:
to meet someone nice, to meet a person I can spend time with, someone I can have a positive effect on, someone who adds to my life.
There's a true sweetness in that, and not too overblown, too grandiose, and it reminds me of Taar's post on how it's not all roses and mood music but there are hard times too and working through them deepens her and her honey's love. Good luck!
1. i appreciate someone who knows what s/he wants. you've been clear about it -- and you get my respect for that.
2. it IS your playground. it IS your right to remove comments (including this one) if you don't like it, no questions asked.
3. if someone gets pissy, it's their problem not yours.
4. not everyone is here looking for someone. not everyone came here looking for someone. we have a few marrieds (including a couple) who found the site, liked the blogs, wanted to play, and got permission from their spouses to do so. i met one of them, a is a lovely man who is madly in love with his wife and child and has her permission to meet new friends this way.
i came looking for ideas for characters to write about, fell in love with the intelligent banter in the groups and blogs, and joined the site so i could participate. somehow i ended up meeting lovely people to date, and one in particular whom i've enjoyed for over a year. my lover knows i play here — in fact, he encourages it, gives me ideas, and occasionally reviews my work before i hit "post".
You're right, it is your playground and you do get to make the rules. I often agree with a lot of what you say and I find that I often interpret what you have to say as relatively harsh, which might add to the you get more than your fair share of invites to a flame war.
Like your PS comment. It's easy for me to take that as a personal judgement because I do in fact have quite a few comments and I do in fact like it. I do like to be here and to hear you say how sad that is, well it's easy to interpret that as a personal judgement against me.
I hope you are off the blogs sooner than later because I hear you saying that if you find that special someone you'll have nothing left to say here. So I say this with wishes of goodness for you.
It is not a slam directed at you at all, I am sorry you felt that way. You have ever been both courteous and pleasant even if you disagree. It’s just not cool to be nasty to good people and again if you took issue with that particular point, I am well and truly sorry.
I write mainly for the shock value, for the exercise of it, also to underscore how ludricrous all of this can be sometimes (there is certainly a lack of communication going on in many instances). This is an amazing cold and antiseptic way for people to forge a bond but it seems to be a growing part of our society.
What CB Radio was in the late 70s, Personal Ad in the late 80s and 90s, internet dating is today.
Generally I’m open to people disagreeing, I don’t think of myself as the most politic of people and certainly I am acutely aware of how often I may say or do the wrong thing. I just found an instance where someone wrote something that was so far off the mark and bordered into a personal attack, that while I was not surprised by it, I felt the need to spell things out so there wouldn’t be any confusion going forward.
First off, thanks bluepotato. That was nice.
Second, I don't think you meant to do this, or I hope not... I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt, anyway. Do you realize how insulting it is to end your post by saying that there is nothing sadder than people who've been here for years? It's like you're dissing the audience for whom you post.
I think a lot of people arrive here, in this particular online forum, with similar notions of what a blog is (i.e. a solitary experience, an "op-ed"). For sure that's how it is in most instances of the so-called "blogosphere". Here, though, because of the unique structure, if one chooses, it can become something far more communal. The reason people have been here for years is because they have formed connections with others, not only by sharing their thoughts and feelings, but by having those words validated, supported, celebrated, and for sure, sometimes challenged. Because of the sort of "gated community" set-up, we run into the same people over and over, and you can't help but form connections with many of them.
I bristled at the prescriptive nature of some of what you wrote. "I do not want to spend one more second than I have to here and really neither should you." I understand if you don't want to be online when you can be out "doing other things", but your motivations are your own. It's pretty judgy to tell everyone that what they should or should not value.
I came here two years ago. I'd been the site for online dating, off and on, for about 4 years, previous, with no luck. When I saw they had a blog application, I thought it would be fun, a place to express my ideas. I started the blog with no notions of meeting someone. Turned out, I met the love of my life, and a handful of people I count as my closest friends, despite the fact we are separated by many miles. We use this site as a playground, a way to keep in touch, a shared social circle. It bonds us. I don't find that sad. I find it awesome, a gift, an unexpected treasure, something to be celebrated.
I met the man for me just by being myself in this online forum that I came to view as a community. I revealed myself because I felt safe in the strange anonymous intimacy that this place allows. He recognized parts of me that he related to, and reached out. It was, as you said, the last place I expected to find somebody (over 2000 miles away from me).
Anyway, I'm with bluepie, I also like what you say you are looking for, and I hope you find it. These blogs have seen quite a few deep and abiding love connections formed.
No, I fully realize how the PS came across. In that you were not mistaken. I really have no idea who the audience is on this site anyway (especially since it is pumped through as content to many sites), there’s no good reason to assume it’s only people who have been on the site for an extended period of time.
I think building a community in a place where it is already penned in by the capracious restrictions enforced on it by Penthouse is absolutely ridiculous. If you want to build a community it’s not such a big deal to build one on the internet anymore. If you’ve found that community here that‘s great but, I for the life of me, can’t understand why you would actually stay? It’s not like it is such a difficult thing to create a community outside of this venue, plus in essence you are providing content for free!?
This is from what I can see, a dating site. I really came here with a purpose. The blog thing is just another outlet for writing, one of many and most if not all of what is written here will be repurposed.
From what I’ve seen there are a few people here who are incredibly gifted writers. I know of a site I’d be glad to turn them onto a site where they might find a better outlet for the terrific writing.
The other thing is once I find someone (hoping that I do), spending hours on the internet isn’t going to do productive things for my relationship.
I really don’t want to be on this site one second longer than I have to be, I can emphatically say that. I would much rather be cozying up next to a live person than sitting behind a keyboard. As a matter of fact I genuinely cannot understand anyone who would choose the keyboard over the comfort of a warm body next to them!
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