FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT!

So, I like comments. I’m as much of an egotist as anyone else.

Still, there is an option where you can approve comments or not on every blog if you so choose. I turned it off (meaning comments go through unmoderated). However, I still reserve the right to delete something I don’t like or feel is inappropriate.

Some people might get all up in arms about that but, the thing is, it’s my playground. What it means is I get to choose the course of discussion here.

It may not seem like the fairest thing but you know what? LIFE’S NOT FAIR!

Further, if you want to get your views out in the world, you have the option of starting up your own blog. It’s a simple as that. This isn’t anyone else’s forum, it’s my forum and in this forum I make the rules.

Someone recently wrote a comment and I deleted it. I won’t go into detail of the whys and wherefores but, I did send off a short note to the person if only to explain my action. I’m not saying I was right in doing what I did. Again, I’m making the rules and if you want to play in this sandbox, those are the breaks.

The Internet is a strange place in that great disputes can be built up between total strangers. People who have never met, who remotely won’t ever possibly meet in real life, can build up a lot of strum and drang in a war of words taking place in the ethereal corridors of the Web.

I don’t have time for it.

I have precious little time as it is and even a scarcer amount of motivation at times to make sure I get what needs to get done, done. Spending it on an Internet fight is just an absolute waste.

The phrase for this is ‘flame war.’ I won’t indulge it and I won’t tolerate it either.

As it is, I am here for a single purpose; to meet someone nice, to meet a person I can spend time with, someone I can have a positive effect on, someone who adds to my life.

I do not want to spend one more second than I have to here and really neither should you. It’s not about building a community, if I meet people who I become friends with – that’s great but, it’s not what I’m here for.

The less time I spend on the computer, on a dating site, means I am spending more time doing other things and truthfully on the list of what I enjoy, spending time on an Internet dating site trying to line up dates is down at the bottom. It’s a necessary evil and while I try to have fun doing it, I don’t think I want to spend a second more doing it than is absolutely necessary.

Think of it this way, when you find something, it’s always in the last place you look and why wouldn’t it be? Once you’ve found it why on earth would you keep looking?

Isn’t everyone here looking to meet a special person?

Anyway, in the course of the email exchange with the angry commenter, the point was bought up, ‘why have a blog if you don’t want to hear the opinions of others?’ Blogs have always struck me as solitary in nature, you can leave comments but blogs exist without them. Also, blogs are not newspapers – they’re op-ed pages on the internet. It has less to do with being factual and more to do with perceptions of a singular viewpoint. Someone can agree or disagree but, it’s not their job to ‘put me in my place.’

After a couple of emails (I think there were three back and forth), we finally got to the point where the ‘f’ word was used and it wasn’t me that used it. Consequently, it verified to me I made the right decision in deleting the comment.

Got an ax to grind? Got unresolved issues towards men or women? Fine. It won’t fly here though. Oh and if you’re a really serious person and really angry by all means please… stay away! Call it what you will, just like on the radio or the television you have the option of changing the channel or not joining the discussion it’s as simple as that. I’ve long gotten past the point where I find it necessary to apologize for having an opinion. Even further past where I find it necessary to justify everything I say or to have a contest about who is right.

As it was put to me: “Oh for f*** sake, let it go.”

PS – And I swear to God I hope I to never rack up thousands of posts or thousands of comments on this site (apparently people have been here for years). Nothing would be sadder. (2482 Views pre transfer)

How to win every argument with a man.

If you’re easily offended I’ll save you the trouble and tell you not to bother reading any further. This also is the case if you are uncomfortable with sexual topics or if you believe frank discussion of sexual acts somehow is demeaning towards one gender or another.

Okay.

I’m giving you your chance...

Just go to another page.

Really, just close the window...

...or click on some other link.

I’m waiting.

Alright, if you’re still around, don’t say you weren’t forewarned and certainly don’t get all indignant on me.

Okay.

So, in the past I’ve spoken about how hard it is for people to remain together. Particularly in our society today. Somehow, there is this image that marriage or long-term relationships are nothing but flowers when the truth is they’re anything but.

I know people who have been married for over twenty, even thirty years and then I have people I know who have called it quits even after they’ve been together for a decade.

One day not too long ago, I was talking to a friend of mine. She’s been married a long time now. I first met her when she was still a newlywed, I think she had only been married for a few months, and today she is passing the twenty-year mark!

Her husband is a good guy too. He used to get on my nerves but through the years I’ve grown to appreciate the kind of person he is. He can be difficult at times but then again all of us have our moments.

My friend and her husband took the plunge and they had kids. As with a lot of couples today, they waited a long time before they actually set about starting a family and when the time felt right they had a bit of trouble getting pregnant.

So, my friend had her first child at 40 and then lo and behold she had twins at 42! The kids are her life. She loves them to death and she‘s a good mom.

The husband? Well, he probably would’ve been okay stopping at the one.

Like a lot of couples who are together a long time, especially those with kids and jobs (since they both work), there are big demands on their time. It’s just part and parcel of living in a society where both parents work and parents as a rule are much, much more involved in their children’s’ lives than they were decades in the past.

A lot of couples face this but the side effect of this is that the couple rarely has quality time for one and other. It just becomes hard to catch those moments of romance or intimacy.

During one period there was a rise in fighting. I don’t mean slap down, drag out brawling or anything of the sort. Just the kind of incendiary words flying back and forth between people over the course of the day. In and of itself it shouldn’t be a big thing but when it becomes the bulk of interaction between two people long-term problems begin to take root.

Of course, a lot of what is at issue is trivial in nature but underlying all of this is a long-simmering animosity that can grow into something more.

So, we got to talking about this my friend and I and knowing her as well as I do (and her husband too) I gave her the secret to win every argument.

It’s as simple as a blowjob.

Women will no doubt groan but most men you ask, if pressed and absolutely honest about it, will tell you it’s a simple truth.

Am I saying that men are smart? No.

We are simple creatures driven by the basest of urges and quite frankly even if we are all caught up in the anger and emotion of the moment we are hard pressed to ever refuse sex when it is offered up to us.

As I told my friend, you want to win an argument?

Go over to him, unbutton his pants, unzip him, take his dick out and give him a blowjob.

I defy any guy to stay angry at that moment.

Now, my friend of course, doesn’t want to win a fight that way. Thing is though, if you’re with someone, I mean if you love them and everything else and you want them to stay interested in the relationship, what is the problem with a little gratuitous sex every now and again?

Besides, she married the guy!

Anyway, the husband? He was all for it. See, it‘s true as reprehensible as that may sound to a lot of women. Yes, men think about sex that much. You can win every argument with your man if you can just swallow... well, not just your pride.

Anyway, now that I’ve positioned myself as the penultimate sexist pig and pariah let the flame wars begin!

* on an interesting note: I run this through the spell checker in Word if only to avoid looking any less intelligent and was surprised to find blow job actually got caught by the spell checker as corrected to the one word blowjob. Who knew! (2690 Views pre transfer)

The Honey Don’ts?

I found an email in the inbox on one of my email accounts today and I found it very interesting and thought I would share. At the same time of course while reading it, I compared myself to the email to see if I had exhibited any of the behaviors:

Top 10 email turnoffs for women.
• Don’t ask her how much she weighs or what her measurements are.

My first thought is, why not? If I’m going to get a woman that can pull the plow through the field why wouldn’t I want to know whether or not she is ‘STRONG LIKE BULL!’ ( LOL )

Seriously though, unless I was a tailor or a clothes designer I don’t see where that would be any of my business.

• Don’t email her seven times asking her why she hasn’t responded to your first email.

I rarely email blind. Usually, I just wait until i get an email, or someone hot lists me, or winks or something. Sending an email is an individual thing based upon the person (see more further on) and writing an absolute stranger... I don’t know it’s something of a non-starter.

There have been instances where I have been especially taken with someone’s photo or video enough to write then and pass along a compliment. Generally though I’m not a big believer in the whole ‘pest’ school.

If I do write someone and don’t hear anything after awhile I will generally send off a quick email if only to ascertain whether or not I’ve offended someone (if just for the opportunity to apologize).

• Don’t ask her how many other dates she’s been on.

I’ve had people ask me this question and if they do I answer and expect an answer in return but, generally the trail of bodies in someone’s past is their business to withhold or disclose at their leisure.

• Don’t send her a nasty email if she hasn’t responded to you after several emails.

I’m sure this works with masochists but I don’t date masochists.

• Don’t ask her if she wants to have sex with you on the second email exchange, and don’t send her dirty pictures of you.

I’ve already talked about the whole ‘nude pic’ phenomenon. It escapes me although I had an ongoing exchange with someone and asked if I would be seeing anything more revealing from her. Of course by then the exchange itself had taken on a more explicit tone otherwise I can’t think of it being appropriate.

• If she gives you her phone number, don’t wait a week to call her.

I’m really guilty of this!

I just find I like talking on the telephone less and less as more time passes. Also, I don’t know what people’s schedules are like and find myself concerned about calling at the right time.

Lastly, I’m really not the kind of guy who is going to do a hard sell on a woman anyway. I just never thought it really garnered results. Consequently I tend to operate at a snail’s pace when it comes to these things, which I think several people have found more than a little frustrating.

• When asking for more pictures, do so without any references to “Can you please send me a picture so I can see your body?”

I thought they had already covered this?

• Don’t get offended if she doesn’t want to talk to you on the phone right away and/or wants to talk to you via email first to get to know you.

It’s an either or for me. Email just happens to be a lot slower in terms of building something and as I had said I am not know for moving at a mercurial pace so this might be akin to watching paint dry.

• Do not email-stalk her.

See above comment on ‘hard selling.’

• Don’t send cut-and-paste emails.

This is funny actually. Due to a glitch in the server side software recently I was able to see someone else’s account and get a sense for how other people operate on the site..

In this instance the person in question did just that! He sent out a standard one or two line email that generally said the same thing with a little modification and he had been successful with it!

This was surprising to me but, I have to wonder if the author of the article wasn’t wrong on this point.

Still when I write I write to the individual so this doesn’t work for me at all. (2455 Views pre transfer)

Sexual Politics.

I’m baaaaaccccckkkkkk.

You know there are times you just have to walk away from the Internet. Being online comes at the expense of the real world and I spend far too much time online as it is.

But... enough about being online, let’s talk about sexual politics or is it the politics of sex?

So, last week I lost a date over the election.

True story!

I had emailed back and forth with someone and we were approaching the juncture where we were to meet for the first time. After exchanging phone numbers, having the initial conversation and the stars were aligned for our eventful first face to face.

Then things went awry...

On the night of the election I called up to firm up plans for the following day and suddenly everything went off the rails.

What could have happened?

Very simple actually, we disagreed.

I don’t even know if we disagreed per se, I get every sense we voted for the same person. As a matter of fact I’d be willing to bet on that but, there were assumptions being made and I didn’t feel compelled to correct those assumptions.

The lady in question had canvassed for our President elect, something I find admirable indeed. Thing is, I sincerely feel (and felt) whoever won the election was going to have a bunch of tough slogging ahead of them. There just isn’t any way to deny tough times are ahead.

I volunteered as much as well. So, even though I voted for the same guy, I hadn’t ‘drunk the Kool-Aid.’ I have a jaundiced view of the American body politic and I take campaign promises with a grain of salt.

Also, I had caught a George Carlin special on DVD over the weekend and while reminding me of how much I loved Carlin when he was alive, it certainly tapped into my more cynical tendencies.

So, not being all excited and celebratory, I had the feeling there was an assumption I was on the (evil) OTHER SIDE!

I just don’t have the patience for this. I have grown so very tired of the divisive attitude of many people I find it far too easy to tweak them. Plus, I don’t expect someone to agree with me on everything. If anything, I think things are better, more interesting, when couples don’t agree on things. It keeps people honest. I’m not talking about being challenged by the person you’re with at every turn, more about being able to have a passionate discussion where you respect and listen to the opposing side.

Something in the nature of dialog, especially where politics are concerned, has become a thing with a ‘Take No Prisoners’ attitude.

The older I get the more I realize the world isn’t black and white. I find it extremely funny when a person who passionately espouses a liberal point of view is simultaneously closed off from any kind of further discussion.

The person I was talking to lives in Manhattan. I was relaying to her how Manhattan cannot be taken as representative of the entire country. The country is such a big place; there are so many people across the nation who live different kinds of lives. Not wrong or right, just not the way we may live our lives. Does this mean their opinion is somehow less valid because they don’t agree with us?

I think not.

Anyway, I played a bit of the Devil‘s Advocate throughout the conversation. Not to be malicious but because the deeper into the conversation I got the more I realized there wasn’t any room for any other opinions.

So, why bother?

It’s like I was following the siren call of some vague principle but principles don’t get you laid on a Saturday night.

BRAND OBAMA.

The Obama Brand.

Or where John McCain missed it.

I started this a few days back and since I am out the door in a little bit to vote I might as well finish it up:

Thankfully we are only a few days out from the election. I say thankfully because I tire of the quadrennial frenzy out nation descends into every time a Presidential election rolls around. If only people would get as excited and as passionate for local elections – where are all you f*@#ers then?

Anyway, watching John McCain flounder through this campaign has been a real wonder to behold. I mean that in the most snarky and sarcastic sense because if ever there was a political candidate who so embodied the character from Animal House it would be Red State John.

Watching the ’08 edition of the Republican Party flail away has been simply amazing as they have tried time and time again to make something stick against Teflon Barack.

The thing is, Barack Obama has positioned his brand so well coming into this election cycle, he made himself almost impossible to beat.

Obama’s campaign from the very start was based around a single premise, a premise his whole brand identity was built upon.

Change.

It’s as simple as that, you can sum up Obama’s campaign in a single word and the candidate has hammered away continually reinforcing it in the electorate’s mind. A single word, which serves a multiple purpose.

First, it plays well to all the people who have been carrying pent up anger and venom ever since the 2000 election. These are the people who have so loudly and repeatedly called for some kind of change in the makeup of our government.

Funny thing is, we had a taste of that change during the ’06 midterm election when the Democrats. The end result... not much.
Six-point plan
Prior to the election in July 2006 Democrats unveiled a six-point plan they promised to enact if elected with congressional majorities. The plan was billed the “Six for 06 agenda” and officially called "A New Direction For America" and compared to the 1994 Republican “Contract with America.” The six-points of the plan include: “honest leadership and open government, real security, energy independence, economic prosperity and educational excellence, a healthcare system that works for everyone, and retirement security.”


People in this country have short memories, plainly put with a Democratic majority in both houses for the last two years and Congress has very little to show for it. This rally cry against one party or another doesn’t address the underlying dysfunction in our government. The government of our nation has been at best a reactionary force in American society and at worst a sterling example of how bureaucracy fails when compromised at the alter of Capitalism.

The dialog in our country especially in regard to the current election has been a fascinating glimpse into the fractured psyche of the American public. Is our government supposed to be a paternalistic entity? If so, how far are we willing to let our government become involved in our affairs? People at once want government to do something about health-care, about education, about business and a host of other issues but how restrictive do we want government to be? When government starts becoming involved in social issues, is it a good thing or a bad thing? We walk a tightrope here, some recognize it but many do not.

Getting back to the current election though, Obama has built the perfect brand... his brand is change.

Are you unhappy? Change.

Not making enough money? Change.

Don’t like our foreign policy? Change.

Worried about government spending? CHANGE!

It’s so broad and generic a term it defies the inherent hazards of specificity.

This is where John McCain has failed because he has been unable to distance himself from the current administration. John McCain’s campaign has tried repeatedly to figure out how to position their candidate - first it was as the ‘experienced guy’ but that didn’t work. Then, it was as the ‘heroic guy’ but that didn’t work either. Finally it was the ‘progressive guy’ (as evidenced by his VP choice) but ultimately that didn’t work either.

In the meantime, Obama has positioned himself as an agent of change. What that change will be, the American people have a vague idea of but it will be change.

I’ve gotten emails about our descent into Socialism, as if somehow this is supposed to raise some specter of fear in me.

Yet, I’m not afraid.

McCain has not been the only candidate frustrated by the Obama campaign’s deft positioning... speak to any HRC supporter and you’ll find a lingering bitterness, a disbelief in how her coronation somehow could not come to pass. How was it possible for the ultimate strategists to be outsmarted so?

Strategy? You must of course realize Barack Obama has not just foiled the plans of the RNC. No, he has also managed to foil the very carefully mapped out plans of the Clinton camp. Plans that included HRC sticking it out through Bill’s many dalliances, HRC taking a senate seat in a state to echo the path of RFK and all the built-up goodwill of stumping for so many Democratic candidates over the last 8 years building chits to be called in during her abortive presidential bid.

In any case, this year’s election has to be one of the best examples of the marketing of a candidate to come along since we started having elections. This has been the perfect example of an election for a media-obsessed society. To the detriment of everything else put on hold as we progress to this one-day.

I’m back and I’ve already taken care of voting. It promises to be one of those elections where there is a big turnout. I was 31 out of 400 registered voters for my polling location and it wasn’t even 7:30! I’m not going to watch all the polling news, I’m not going to stay riveted to the TV over this. Tomorrow, one way or the other it will be settled, we will have voted and a decision will have been made. It’s not a football game, or the World Series where you root for one side or another. As long as people come out and vote... we all win. (1123 Views pre transfer)