If genitals were stocks.

So, I posted that entry about the whole “play” thing in profiles and although I got few responses, I did get a number of views.

It stands to reason if you put anything remotely sexual in the headline of a blog post you’re going to get traffic – this is akin to my Flickr stream where if I post photos of women that I’ve taken, many feet beat a path to my door.

One of the responses that I got to the earlier post observed play was pointedly not to be confused with activity partner.

This brings me to today’s topic of genitals as stocks or better still commodities. Stick with me on this one all the way through to the end otherwise you might find yourself getting angry without fully hearing me out.

Also, I’m going to use some vulgar terms here so if you’re easily offended you might just want to save yourself the trouble of getting all indignant and stop reading now.

Okay, everyone who would be offended gone now?

All right then, let’s get to it...

If dick were stock, it would be a penny stock.

What does that mean?

It means that there isn’t as great a demand for penis as guys would like to think there is. So, for all of you that think sending a picture of your erect member to women will somehow equate to success... ummm... in a word, no.

It may come across as sexist on my part but, women generally don’t have a shortage of dick unless it’s by choice, meaning there are a lot more sellers than buyers in the marketplace, hence the penny stock comparison.

As a guy, even at this stage of the game, I still think about sex a lot. I thought that would go away with time but, you know... surprise, surprise, it just doesn’t.

Perhaps the only thing that is different now is there is something of an ewww factor when I look at a woman below a certain age. Not on my end... well you get the drift.

Ladies however are much cooler customers when it comes to the whole mating thing though. Basically unbutton a button or two on a blouse, flash some flesh and like a fisherman at the height of the season they’ll get a bite.

Women deny having this kind of upper hand because to them it is more often than not a matter of having pickable choices. It’s not that there isn’t something in the offing, it’s just their choices are poor or maybe the one guy (that big fish?) they want doesn’t seem to be biting at the lure.

Women basically throw back a lot more than they catch.

Pussy, is in demand. (Ouch, some people will hate that I used that word!)

Since there are more buyers than sellers as a commodity it has a higher price.

This equation seems to reverse itself somewhere around the age of 40 or so though because the pool of decent men really begins to dry up for older women.

One of the reasons I find myself musing on this subject was the response to the "play" post. I’m thinking unless you are this side of Adonis, generally play doesn’t have much of an appeal for the fairer sex. If you’re unkempt, overweight or generally scraggly... well, play probably is not in the offing.

Also, I was talking to someone awhile ago (another member of the site) and she was telling me how a guy had sent a nude picture of himself, unbidden.

Guys, haven’t you seen enough Dateline NBCs to know this isn’t a good idea?

But, maybe I’m alone on this. What do you think? (1489 Views pre transfer)

Where are the orgies I keep hearing about?!?!

I got an email from another member today that was interesting. I won’t disclose their name but I will present a portion of it:

I'm also sorry to say I was very new to this a few weeks ago and hadn't yet discovered the "play" option - I have since updated my profile to clarify that I'm probably not a good match for someone who is also looking for that. I don't mean to sound judgmental (consenting adults and all that) - I just know that I would not be comfortable dating someone who indicated that he was interested in that.

Wow!

I mean, really... WOW!

In one sentence by means of a simple word I have been consigned to world of lurid sexual encouters with absolute strangers!

I wish! :)

Would that it were life was so infiinitely exciting. I don’t think I’ve ever lived in such a place but, it’s amazing to me that someone presupposes I do, based entirely around the fact I say that I am open to play in my profile.

It’s not that casual sex isn’t appealing, just that it never has seemed to be in the offing.

As I understood things though ‘play’ as it were could mena just getting together with someone to do something, go somewhere. Nothing at all sexual in the slightest.

When I meet someone, while I do guage whether or not I’m attracted to them in that manner, I don’t assume we are immediately going to swap bodily fluids.

Am I the exception or is there something I’m missing out on here? (1491 Views pre transfer)

Getting screwed.

I thought I would post about a recent experience, if only to act as a cautionary tale for other members of the site.

I’ve had my account for a bit of time now and I upgraded to gold status sometime last year. My renewal date was coming up on the 25th and for the last few days every time I logged in an annoying startup screen would display with the options to renew the Gold membership.

I figured I would renew it, I just didn’t want to do it until I absolutely had to and since the account was due up today, I planned for the first order of business this morning would be to renew it when I got up.

Imagine my surprise when I logged in and found that I had been booted back down to “standard” status?!?

Well, not much of a problem. I figured to just go in and renew the account. The one option that had appealed to me most was a renewal at $8 plus per month for six months. The thing was that now when I went to the renewal screen, it was no longer an option?!

So, I sent off a note to customer service and asked what was going on? At this point I still have yet to hear back.

This afternoon, I called customer service figuring whatever the problem was speaking to a ‘live’ voice would manage to resolve the matter in relatively short order. I was still a bit dumbfounded since the Gold status was set to expire today, I imagined I had at least until the close of business if not 11:59pm before my status reverted to standard so it wouldn’t be so much of a problem.

Man, was I ever wrong!

Aside from the fact that the wait to speak to a person is just this side of interminable, I have to acknowledge that I have rarely come up against such unflinching bureaucracy outside of government offices.

See, I figured as a customer... well, customer service was always the goal but, I was mistaken. As the person I spoke with told me, they weren’t customer service, no they were billing!

So, even though I wanted to renew my Gold status for six months at the price I had been offered because my account had lapsed back to standard status this offer was now denied me and there was nothing that could be done.

I pointed out that the Gold status didn’t expire until today and it was still the 25th but, the truth is when you get a notice stating that your account status expires on a certain date the reality is that the service actually considers it expired the day before!

I’ve got this lovely email generated at 3am in my inbox telling me that my account has reverted back to standard status - even though it was supposed to expire today somehow in the world of online personals the day ends at 3am EST.

To say that I’m pissed is putting it mildly. That I wasted my time both on hold and then dealing with one of the most obstinate people I have ever run across just adds fuel to the fire.

See, I had this inconceivable notion that since I was paying for a service there was a certain level of consideration involved but now I find that not to be the case.

I’d certainly like for my ‘gold’ status to continue but, seeing as it’s been made very clear to me that I’m not desired as a customer it may just be I’m better of shutting the account down and going somewhere where they are a little bit more service oriented.

However, you have been forewarned. (1593 Views pre transfer)

I bought some hats the other day.

You know, they have that old saying that goes “clothes make a man.”

As more time goes on in life I realize how relevant that is. Clothes do send as much a signal out about us as anything. Problem is I think I send mixed messages or maybe I don’t send good messages.

So, I bought a hat... well, two actually.

This is something I had been thinking about for months. I had been wandering the streets, looking through the Internet, trying to find a place where I could make my purchase.

Friday I was bopping around Manhattan and I finally got over to the hat store.

I really loved it too! There is something of my grandfather’s generation in a hat. Needless to say I always thought my grandfather was way cool.

I had checked out this store on Fifth Avenue, a really classy place in the 30’s but the time I went in with a friend the sales folk were unresponsive and the prices were a bit on the high side. Ultimately, I found the perfect place over in the Garment District and it made me so very happy.

I’m funny that way; these little victories can make or break a day. Another thing off my list and at the same time I really, really had a good time talking to the guy in the hat store. He was another throwback New Yorker, another peer who remembered when the city wasn’t so gentrified, so disneyfied and when you could actually go to different parts of town and find them to be the loci of different industries.

I wound up getting a Porkpie and a Blues Brothers (at least that’s what they call them). I looked at a Top hat and also a derby but I wasn’t crazy for the way the Derby fit. The Top hat may be something for a later day.

I have to figure they’re better than the baseball cap I sometimes wear.

I’m not a clotheshorse by any stretch of the imagination but, I do like the ‘costume’ aspect of clothing.

I’d really like to see about getting a zoot suit or one of those big baggy jobs like David Byrne wore back in the day.

Normally though I have to admit it’s jeans, jeans and a collared shirt. I have a couple of pair of slacks that fit okay but slacks just don’t hold up well for me.

Anyway, the upshot is now I get to take some new pictures with my hats! (1206 Views pre transfer)

Days like mileposts.

I hadn’t gotten much of a chance of late to update this thing. I find the blog is more of a way to pose questions to all those other lost souls out there seeking companionship.

I just took an overnight roadtrip to Pittsburgh, visited an old friend and took in a baseball game with her.

I remember in the movie When Harry Met Sally, Harry observes that men and women can’t be friends because the sex thing is always in the air. Maybe not for women so much as it is for men? I’m not sure but, here I am with a friend who I’ve had for 20 plus years and she’s a very beautiful woman.

I can have this wonderful friendship and while it doesn’t mean I’m not attracted to her, it’s something that can go on the back burner.

I’m mystified by women.

Maybe that’s overstating it a little but, I continually manage to be surprised by women.

The dating thing is an interesting conundrum. As a guy, I wish there was some one size fits all kind of approach I could take to the whole thing. It’s not so much about laziness as much as avoiding uncomfortable moments.

I absolutely hate uncomfortable moments.

I come to realize though that my gender has none of the mastery of nuance and subtlety that the female of the species has. This seems to cause no end of problems, not just for me but also for people the world over.

Ladies, don’t ever expect men to take a hint.

Men don’t do hints... really.

I hear frustrated stories from women about men they’re interested in and the fact that the guys in question aren’t picking up on that or inversely about men who women have absolutely no desire for making an absolute pest of themselves.

It would be funny if it weren’t so sad. People wanting something but unable just to say what it is they want and having these uncomfortable moments.

God! I hate that. (1370 Views pre transfer)

Worth a thousand words?

You know, the old proverb goes, “A picture is worth a thousand words.”

I can’t help but think of that as I spend time thumbing through profiles...

I don’t know about other people but, I just don’t like photos of myself.

I don’t recognize that person staring back at me in self-portraits. Actually, I’ll let you in on a secret, I kind of cringe when I see photos of myself.

(look at my photos, you may too!) ( LOL )

So, I posted a bunch of photos and I can’t say I’m crazy about any of them.

The photo that is the lead picture in my profile is decent enough and coincidentally, I am in profile. Still, the strong shadow in the shot can make it look as if I have a hooknose to the casual viewer - not a great thing.

I put up a bunch of pictures of my socks...

...not because I have a foot fetish or anything. I just like those socks and think they’re fun. I was thinking, how they’re representative of a playful attitude I have towards life and I hoped to find a way to get that across.

Then, there’s an old photo from days when I was a punk or at least, my approximation of a punk. I always considered myself more of a ‘mod’ at the time.

And there’s another shot I photoshopped a little because of the horribly ugly wallpaper background in it and the really harsh fluorescent lighting.

Making a little bit of a silk purse out of a sow’s ear. I didn’t alter my features, just corrected elements of the shot itself that only made things unflattering (bad color and horrid shadows).

So, in the five photos I’ve put up that’s what? Five thousand words? I wonder what story people are getting from those pictures.

On the flip side I am amazed by some of the pictures I see.

I don’t know about other guys but, seeing those shots of women with old boyfriends... you know the ones, where the guy is cut out but his arm is still very prominent or there is just a botched bit of work with the stamp tool are just a bit in bad taste.

Ladies?! Can’t you find a decent picture of yourself smiling without your ex in it?

Then, there are the garishly obvious shots with generous portions of flesh.

I wonder if the women in those pics thing of themselves as meat? Not that I don’t have an appreciation for female flesh, I have to profess to having a gourmand’s taste for it - it seems posting gratuitous flesh shots are akin to being in a used car lot.

Everyone here has a certain amount of mileage - do we need the big numbers in the car window? Is the hard sell necessary?

I think maybe some women aren’t aware of their greatest lure if you will - the simple beauty of a woman’s face.

I am always reminded of this passage:

Was this the face that launch’d a thousand ships,
And burnt the topless towers of Ilium?
Sweet Helen, make me immortal with a kiss.
Her lips suck forth my soul: see, where it flies!
Come, Helen, come, give me my soul again.
Here will I dwell, for heaven is in these lips,
And all is dross that is not Helena.
I will be Paris, and for love of thee,
Instead of Troy, shall Wittenberg be sack’d;
And I will combat with weak Menelaus,
And wear thy colours on my plumed crest;
Yea, I will wound Achilles in the heel,
And then return to Helen for a kiss.
O, thou art fairer than the evening air
Clad in the beauty of a thousand stars;
Brighter art thou than flaming Jupiter
When he appear’d to hapless Semele;
More lovely than the monarch of the sky
In wanton Arethusa’s azur’d arms;
And none but thou shalt be my paramour!

A friend of mine who is at the very young age of 85 commented to me that, “Beauty fades, but cute is forever.”

See, I keep looking at those profiles and wonder how many of the women have the same problem I have, in they look at their pictures with a critical eye, seeing only the faults that lie within.

It makes me figure all of us should be asking other people to help us to pick out shots.

Then, the other thing is that just cropping alone can make a great shot. Sometimes people can’t be bothered with that. I find that the most fascinating thing of all because it’s so easy! It probably has something to do with the fact I find myself working with photos and layout frequently.

Anyway, I’ve droned on.

So, speaking as a guy I would say pics of the old boyfriend floating around in them are something of a no-no. Not that you don’t have exes, but do I need to see how happy you were with them before things went awry?

What about you other folks out there, men and women both, are there any things you find in profile photos you think are non-starters? I think we all could use to learn a thing or two about this. (1847 Views pre transfer)

Age and lying.

I wonder if this has happened to anyone else?

(I’m being a little disingenuous for the sake of conversation because I know this has happened to other people)

You’re online and you have emailed another ‘contestant’ and they ’fess up that they’re really older than what they’ve put in their profile.

I won’t mention names... but I’ve had it happen a few times.

The thing I don’t get though is what’s the big deal?

Also, isn’t lying about anything to someone at the onset of a potential relationship positioning you as a person who sacrifices truth for the sake of expediency?

Now originally, pompous, sexist ass that I am, I thought only women lied about their age but, I came across a recent complaint by one woman that she had in fact run across more than a few men who played loosey/goosey on the age issue themselves.

Maybe I’m a bit naïve but what‘s the big deal?

A number is after all a number but, I wonder why we are assigning such importance to it?

I’m closing in on 50 myself and no one is more surprised by how fast the time seems to go by but, it’s not like I crossed some invisible boundary. Not in my mind anyway although, I think in the minds of others that well may be the case.

The flip side to it is I like who I am now.

There is something which happens, not for all of us, however quite a few peers I’ve spoken with describe and understand exactly what I’m speaking to.

We get into this... (for lack of a more apt descriptor) better headspace.

We are just a little more balanced (?) than we were when we were younger, not sweating the small stuff as much as we might’ve in the past. Everyone seem to be in agreement it wouldn’t be such a bad thing to have a 30-year old body again but, not at the expense of going back to the strum and drang emotionally of that period of our lives.

Now, there was this old saw when I was growing up that a gentleman never asks a woman her age but, here in the world of Internet dating there’s no escaping one’s age. It’s part and parcel of your profile, It’s another detail in the spew of personal identifying info we put out to attract potential mates.

Is it that limiting?

I have a friend, he’s 85 now. He met his current wife when he was my age. She was 19! Do the math; they’ve been married for 35 years or so!

I know she was aware of his age but it wasn’t off-putting to her.

Even I acknowledge that’s a big gap but, I have to wonder if age isn’t more a matter of our own perspective.

Look at it this way... closing in on 50 (again, even I am surprised by this), there are some quarters where I might be considered old but to my friend (at the ripe age of 85), I’m still a baby!

Maybe I should go back to counting half years as if I were a kid.

Do you remember that time? Four and a half, five and a half, six and a half? A time when six months was a big deal?

Why lie about it though? Isn’t it better to embrace one’s age?

What do you think? (1631 Views pre transfer)

Women and glasses.

Maybe it’s me but I like women with glasses.

I haven’t worn (or needed) glasses until quite recently and truthfully, I never really gave it much thought. Now that I need them to read mousetype, well I guess it becomes more of an issue.

Certainly it was never an instance of something that would put me off of someone.

In other words, whether a woman wore glasses or not, if I found her attractive I really didn’t care.

I’ll even go one step further… glasses are sexy!

So, all you ladies out there who somehow think having glasses is a detriment really should rethink that stance.

The best way I can illustrate this to you is by using the example of an old TV show.

Back in the dark times, the olden days there was this show WKRP that used to run on CBS (I think on Monday nights). It wasn’t a big deal. It wasn’t the kind of show that everyone would watch but there was something about it that I liked.

It had a decent cast, a bunch of character actors who would pop up through the years – I’m thinking of Gordon Jump, Howard Hesseman and Tim Reid but. The thing I think most people would remember about the show was the fact that it was the vehicle through which Loni Anderson blazed a trail into celebrity.

There were two women regulars on the show; Loni Anderson as Jennifer Marlowe and Jan Smithers as Bailey Quarters.

Loni Anderson was blonde, with the big smile and the killer bod but, there was something about Jan Smithers.

Even with Loni Anderson in the show there was no denying the incredible cuteness, the beauty, the sexiness of Pam Smithers.

I think men of the day got divided into two camps.

There were the guys who would just be blown away by Jennifer Marlowe but, I think there were an even bigger number of men who just were in love with Bailey Quarters. Bailey was the girl you could spend a weekend with, and even those frames couldn’t hide those great eyes of hers… you could lose yourself in those eyes.

Glasses?

They didn’t make the slightest difference.

If anything they made her look even sexier!

So, the next time you curse poor eyesight… well, all I’m saying is don’t knock glasses because they can be as good an accessory as anything else that can be used to attract a man. (1865 Views pre transfer)

Jumping right in, both feet first.

I had toyed with the thought of writing a blog here. Not that I don’t already have a blog but, I generally refrain from writing about dating on it.

I created this a few days back but then found myself stymied with what to write. What I mean to say is, is this an entirely futile experience? Who’s going to read it?

Further, will it serve only to further limit my pool of potential mates by being perfectly blunt about dating and the surrounding issues dealing with meeting people over the internet?

Mmmmm...

Who knows?

Well, let’s start off by making a bit of a request. I don’t know how to do it, but if I could I would create a pool here if only to get other’s opinions about the whole internet dating thing.

Internet dating seems to have taken the place of the personal ad. Maybe that’s not an accurate statement though. Perhaps, internet dating would better be viewed as the personal ad but, just in online form.

The difference though between the personal ad and the internet is in you can conduct a dialog with someone much more rapidly than you ever could through the personal ads. Email, at the very least allows us to communicate with strangers without entirely giving up any of our privacy. It’s less intrusive than other means of communication.

Is it better though?

Further, is there some kind of framework for how that dialog should progress? I’m curious how others think because I’ve yet to entirely figure this out for myself.

How many emails back and forth before moving to the next step (phone) or is it just better to cut right to it and plan on meeting someone quickly to see if there is any of that magical chemistry everyone is always talking about?

Any suggestions? (1402 Views pre transfer)